Lear, Tobias (1762-1816) to Mary S. Lear [Tobias' mother] re: family matters

City of Washington January 28th: 1795.
My dear & honored Mother,
Upon looking over the number of your letters which are by me unanswered, and considering how long it is since I wrote to you, I am conscious of having failed in that duty which I owe to you - and my own feelings in consequence thereof is a heavy punishment; without their addition of your displeasure which I have a very right to expect.- To offer reasons for not having written to you oftener would look like excusing my conduct, and as I think it will hardly admit of an excuse, i must plead guilty - and throw myself on your mercy for forgiveness.- But I should not do justice to myself so closely and unremittingly enjoyed that I begin to feel the effects of it on my health and unless a relaxation takes place I shortly shall be unfit for any business.
But to go to the point from which I ment [sic] to set out - I have my dear & honored Mother, rec[eive]d. your good letters of then 4th. 9th. 18th. 26th. & 30th. Decr. two [sic] of them were handed to me by Capt. Prescott, who I was very happy to meet here. - I am sure you must have been sadly disappointed in not seeing me at Portsmo[uth]. before this time - and great as your disappointment may be, I sure it does not exceed mine.- My heart & affections have been long there with my dear boy yourself & other friend: but it has been almost impossible for me to be absent so long as would be necessary for a journey there. Urgent business carried me to N. Yk. and my stay there was only two days, and two more at Phila[delphia]. And even now it is not in my power to determine when I can get off to visit N. Hampshire. Each day, instead of bringing me nearer the point of my wishes, seems, by some fresh incident of business, to put my departure at a greater distance. I cannot fix a time when you may expect me; but duty, inclination & every attraction of a tender nature call me there so strongly that I shall, on no account, omit the first favorable moment that offers for me to set off.
Your letters, my dear & honored Mother afford me the strongest possible proof of your affection, as they contain those particular details of its progress of our dear boy, which interest my very soul.- I am afraid my [2] affection for him is too great. I am delighted with the accounts which you give me of his expressions & actions.- I contemplate, with perhaps too much fondness, his opening mind, and anticipate a satisfaction in him, which it may be the pleasure of the Great Ruler of Events that I shall never enjoy: But to his care & direction do I resign him; believing that he will do with him what is right & best.--
I am very glad that Polly Purcel has determined to continue with you and our dear little boy- and that she appears satisfied with her situation. I shall feel myself indebted when for her attentions, and I hope they will not be unrewarded.-- The uneasiness which you say my Grandmama occasions to herself & every one about her, particularly to you, gives me great pain. I sincerely wish it was in my power to make it otherwise. And I am particularly unhappy about your health, which, from your own letters, is, I find, not so good as could by wished; but by one which I rec'd a few days ago from my brother Steven, I am seriously alarmed, but you should be much worse then you are willing to let me know of. I pray you for the sake of our dear Lincoln as well as mine, that you would make yourself contented as possible, which I believe will be a good mean of restoring your health so precious to us. I shall write to my brother Steven on the subject of business, and hope that long before this he has rec. a letter from me which will show him that it was not my intention or idea to disappoint him in any objects of business. I shall, however, be very sorry, if he has, from any intimation of mine laid himself out in such a way as to injure his affairs.--
It is very possible, my dear and honored Madam, that before this you may have heard (as matters of this kind fly fast, and get abroad without one's knowing how) that I have it in contemplation again to enter the Hymenial [sic] state. - It is even so - and I should have informed you before of my intentions on this subject - was it not one of those delicate matters that one hardly knows how to mention. - I have paid my address to Mrs. Frances Washington, widow of the late Major George Washington, the Presidents favorite nephew, and have the happiness to find them well arrived, and the intention warmly sanctioned by our friends the President & Mrs. Washington.- Mrs. W. is a niece of Mrs. Washington's - and brought up [struck: illegible] by her as her child, her mother, Mrs. Washington's Sister, having died when she was very young.- Majr: Washington having been brought up by the President, their living in the same family caused an early attachment & marriage, which was peculiarly pleasing, as the annexion was strengthend [sic] on both sides. Majr: W. died about two years ago & left three fine children, a girl & two boys - the younger just the age of our dear Lincoln and not unlike him.
[3] The perfect knowledge which Mrs. W. & myself have of each other's disposition from having lived many years together under the same roof, leads us to believe that we shall be happy in each other. Her amiable & sweet temper, good sense, discretion & judgement [sic] would make her a most valuable partner independent of every other consideration. - It is the present intention that we shall be united in the Spring, or early in the Summer, as soon as a house, which is now building in the City, is finished and fit to inhabit. - In contemplating this annexion I assure you, I feel peculiarly happy on account of our dear Lincoln that he will be under the care of as amiable & good a parent as Mrs. W. will make. - and , my dear & honored Madam, if we can prevail upon you to spend at least a part of your time with us, it will add much to our happiness, & when a certain Lady feels herself herself [sic] authorized to join her wishes to mine on this subject, I hope you will not refuse us.- When I have the happiness to see you, I shall say much more about this matter than I can write at present; for I have already written so much that you will be tired before you get through it. I must therefore close begging you will give my love & ten thousand kisses to our dear boy for me - my duty to Grandmama -- love to Brother & Sister [illegible] & their dear little folks - and Respects & best regards to Aunt Sherburne, Cousin Blount Cousin Sherburne & all our good friends - with my best wishes to Polly Purcel & their faithful old Betty.--
I am, my dear & honored Mother
very truly
your dutiful & affectionate Son
Tobias Lear

Mrs. Mary Lear.-

[address]
25

Mrs. Mary Lear
Portsmouth
New Hampshire