Unknown The Chugg Water Journal [Vol. 1, no. 1 (October 1849)]

THE CHUGG WATER
JOURNAL.
By a }
Quartette} Fort Laramie October 1849. Vol 1, No 1.

The Chugg Water Journal, the largest paper printed at Fort Laramie, will appear occasionally, and sometimes oftener, if not sooner. Advertisements must be sent in the day before publication, addressed to "the Quartette." All letters containing money and post paid, will receive prompt attention. Office directly opposite, and within having the Juvenile Infirmary.
Prospectus
of the Chugg Water Journal.
Truly has it been said that a Newspaper is a mighty engine either for good or for evil. Admitted to the family circle, it has its influence upon the young mind, which is often felt after youth has been supplanted by more mature years, and the active duties of life take the place of boyish [pastimes]. "As the times is sent the tree's inclined," and not infrequently the religious, political, and [semitic] life of men is shaped by the newspapers that fall in there way, during the [petticoat] dynasty of their lives, with a full consciousness of the responsibility, therefore, which rests upon the conductors of the public press; it will not to a matter of surprise that the Editors of the Chugg Water Journal, feel great diffidence in issuing this prospectus to the enlightened inhabitants of Fort Laramie. Filthy [hire] is not our aim: we wish to keep our friends and fellow [sales], up with the spirit and improvements of the age: we want to see them well wrapt up in good, sound political principles, like a person between two leather beds on a cold winter night: We want to see them strong in the good orthodox belief of fire and brimstone to unbelievers, and we trust our paper will be so conducted, that three great objects will be attained.
The limits of our paper will not allow a detailed account of our principles, or future plans, time will reveal, and an enlight[2]-ened public, appreciate them.
The best correspondents, both foreign and domestic have been secured.; and the Editors with as much perseverance a literality, and with a single eye to the interest of the public have established a telegraphic express, to be carried by mules - between this place and the foreign state of Missouri; by which arrangement we shall receive the latest news in the shortest space of time.
The Journal will be conducted by four Editors, who, stationed at the four corners, will defend it from the assault of the critics, the sneers of the envious and the revilings of the disappointed.
The Polemical and Political Editors a gentleman who has travelled extensively, and seen much of the world; particularly that portion skirting the Green Mountains, will have the immediate charge of the serious and political columns of the journal, and the consciences of the other Editors.
The Fighting Editor, born in that portion of the sunny south, where the Chivalry become rampant at 4th July dinners, and during dog days, will decide all questions relating to the refined custom of dwelling and street fighting, and also give satisfaction to all who express dissatisfaction at our Editorial course or who may be insulted by the Editors individually.
The Sporting Editors, who has had great experience in field sports, having frequently snared sparrows, hooked terrapins and shot rice birds, along the banks of the Big Pedee, will take exclusive charge of the sporting columns - and would be most happy if his friends, would send to his private quarters (work end , lower room of the Juvenile Infirmary) such game as they may kill.
He will write the hunting scenes, and as he is happy with his pencil, will illustrate his subjects with most life like sketches.
The fourth Editor has a sort of roving commission to do nothing. He handles the scissors, supplies the devil with copy mixes toddies, but does not drink them, smokes the Editorial pipe, and attends to the interest of the [text loss]
We have entered somewhat at length into the relation which exist between ourselves and pointed out our respective duties, as we conceived it necessary that the Public should understand them; but if any of our readers think we have dwelt too long on personal matters, our Fighting Editors is ready and anxious to give them satisfaction. He can always be found at our office, when not on duty at the Infirmary.
Our subscription will be moderate & every thing received in pay except sperm candles, as it has been discovered by a learned gentlemen, either in St. Louis, or at Fort Leavenworth, that tallow candles ought always to be provided for the officers of the Army, in as much as they are [3] great promoters of industry (see Eaton & Love on the Art of Candle snuffing).
The Editors being irregular Men, of course the journal will appear at irregular periods, and this we conceive to be the most judicious way of issuing a paper, as proved by Smith in his work on the Secret of kissing, vol. 1. page 25. and on the well-known principle that unexpected and stolen pleasures are the most highly prized.
With this brief and lucid prospectus we take leave of ourselves and plunge, "in medias res", for the edification and amusement of our patrons.
Why are the chimneys at Fort Laramie unlike a beautiful woman? Because they have large throats. The Polemical Editor's first effort.
It is most gratifying to observe the lively interest taken in western affairs by the authorities at Washington. Their knowledge of the custom of the Indians and geography of the country has already passed into a proverb -
The following letter therefore, emanating from such a source will be read with deep interest.
Adjt Generals' Office,
Washington Aug 25. 1849
Sirs,
It being well understood here, that the Indians allow their beards to grow to an enormous length, you will on all occasions impress upon them the importance of shaving; and when forming a treaty with any of the Indians, an article requiring them to be shaved and cropped should be introduced. You should do all in your power to put a stop to the bloody war now raging between the Lioux and Brulees, pointing out the happy results of a long peace, such as is now existing between the Cheyennes and brows -
You will be pleased to inform the Department whether Laramie Creck - on which Fort Hall is situated, seems into the Mississippi or the Rio Grande.
Very Respectfully
Your Obet Servant .
Commandg officer} R. Jones
Fort Laramie } Adjt Genl
Minesota Territory } USA
It is most gratifying to observe the rapid increase of our population. We understand the Gentleman employed to take the census has applied for an assistant.
Why is Henry Clay like the sporting Editor of the Journal?
Because he is a Rhett-o-ri-ci-an.
WANTED. Half a dozen Baby jumpers for which the highest price will be paid, or if preferred an exchange will be made in the proportion of one baby to three jumpers. Enquires at our office.
[4] Married on the 3rd inst. By the Rt. Reverend Bishops Sherry, Jacob Fisher, baker in ordinary to "C" Company, Rifles; and the accomplished and fascinating Miss Mary O'Reilly; all of this place -
The fair O'Reilly a victim fell
To Fisher's skilful angling
May their lives with happiness swell
Free from all domestic wrangling.
(poetic bd.)
Why is a covetous like our fighting Editor? Because the Moore (more) he gets, the Moore he wants.
(Spring bd)
An antiquarian friend of ours recently showed us a very curious fossil, which he picked up a few days since along the bank of the Laramie. It had a white granular appearance, very friable being easily broken by the hand. Our friend assured us that it was a substance called white sugar, extinct in this region of country, but still found in the vicinity of Forts Kearney and Leavenworth. Our friend furthermore assured us that it formerly abounded here, but that another variety of the same substance, called Brown Sugar appeared to have taken its place.
As this is very singular phenomenon, our friend proposes to apply to two alebrated antiquarians by the names of Love and Eaton, residing near the frontiers of Missouri, who he thinks can throw some light on the subject, unless indeed, (pardon the pun) they examine it by Fort Laramie candles.
It is seldom we have had our news so shocked as upon reading the following attempt at witticism, which appears in a seven by nine, paper called the Fort Kearny Blunderbuss. What two officers at Fort Kearny could live the longest without provisions and funds?
Hammond Wood. (ham and woods.)
We warn the Editors that another such effect will oblige us to discharge the Blunderbuss from our exchange list.
Exchanging Curiosities.
If our friends at Fort Kearney will send us a lock of hair from the head of Grand Island we will forward them a tooth from the mouth of Laramie: